The Hidden Stigma of Emotional Expression: Why We Shouldn’t Shame Tears

I was watching this year’s Doctor Who Christmas special, and we reached a moment where Ncuti Gatwa’s Doctor sheds some tears. It reminded me of comments I had seen on social media, questioning why his Doctor is so emotional. Many viewers didn’t seem to like it. This, in turn, brought to mind similar – and harsher – comments made about Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande during their Wicked promo tour. 

Screengrabs of headlines referencing Erivo and Grande's emotional interviews

And my question is this: when did we become so uncomfortable with people expressing their emotions? Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if observers think the situation calls for tears or not. The point is that someone is quite simply having a feeling, and expressing that. Besides, as Seneca said, "What need is there to weep over parts of life? The whole of it calls for tears".

Discomfort with such outward displays of emotion are tied to several strings: societal norms, cultural expectations, self control, productivity to name a few. In the past, women were called “hysterical”, which dismissed their lived experiences, trivialised their pain, and undermined their agency. Men have historically been brought up to be stoic, self-restrained. Everyone has been impacted in some way by feeling that they need to keep a lid on things. 

Crying in the workplace, for example. I have cried at work on a number of occasions (please do not judge – I spent eight years in hospitality). These days, I would simply take myself off to the loos and lock myself in a cubicle, but I do acknowledge there isn’t always time for such practicality. 

For me, crying doesn’t come easily. I find I’m more likely to cry when deeply moved by something—often unexpectedly. Yet, those moments remind me how cathartic it feels to cry. It certainly isn’t something we need to be shaming people for.